Sunday, 3 April 2011

Monday, 25 October 2010

Desert Island Discs meme

Desert Island Discs Meme

I'm doing this thanks to Livi at her blog which you can find if you CLICK THIS THINGY-MA-BOBBY LINKAROO!
The deal is that you have to choose 8 pieces of music that you'd most like to have with you on a desert Island, a book and a single luxury item.
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I too, much like Livi, turned to my “25 most played on iTunes” for inspiration!

1) Everybody Knows - Leonard Cohen

This is ACTUALLY my top played song on iTunes.  I heard it for the first time in my teens when I watched the film "Pump Up The Volume" for the first time in my teens... it's an amazing cult teen movie!   Fell in love with the song there and then.  

2) Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers

This song has been my favourite song since I heard it for the first time when I was about 9 years old.  My younger brother and I were at our friend James' house who was a year older than me.  We'd been playing with our toy cars (I was SUCH a tom boy, and still am I guess!!) and James went thorugh to his elder sisters bedroom who was a good few years older than him.  He borrowed her vinyl record player and records and it was sat on his bed, with the records spread about on his bed and we were just going through them having a listen to them!  When Unchained Melody came on, the boys were about to put it off when I MADE them keep it on til the end... and my love of that song begun... and it's still the most beautiful song to me now 20 years later.  This song isn't however in my top 25 played songs on iTunes.  However I had to reset my iTunes about 6 months to a year ago coz of errors.

3) White Horse – Taylor Swift

This is a new addition for me... it's and it's "horsed" right up my top played songs on my iTunes and is currently sitting at the number 5 position there! This is a smashing "girl loves boy, boy doesn't realise what he's got til it's gone, girl realises once he's gone she's better off without the boy" type song!! If you've not heard it... go listen to it on the YouTube. 

4) Runaway Train - Soul Asylum

I still remember the first time I heard this song too... My sons Dad was in Afghanistan, before I was pregnant, and we used a Lycos Chat room to chat to each other whilst he was out there.  Of course I had to hang about there a lot, til he got online, as he couldn't give strict times, and during our times in there hanging about waiting on each other (to go to a private chat room together) we'd chat to the regulars - and WE became regulars.  I had some wicked times on the Lycos chat and met some cracking people online there, some of whom I still speak to nearly 8 years later now!    One of those guys introduced me to this song when I was feeling a bit fed up with everything and sent it to me over MSN messenger... Just love this song and the words... they spoke to me, and still do.

5) If I Can Dream - Elvis Presley

One of my peace loving songs... I just can't see why the world cannot be a more peaceful place.  All this fighting... everything is fucked up.  The lyrics of this song speak to me:

"There must be lights burning brighter somewhere

Got to be birds flying higher in a sky more blue

If I can dream of a better land
Where all my brothers walk hand in hand
Tell me why, oh why, oh why can't my dream come true

There must be peace and understanding sometime

Strong winds of promise that will blow away
the doubt and fear
If I can dream of a warmer sun
Where hope keeps shining on everyone
Tell me why, oh why, oh why won't that sun appear

We're lost in a cloud

With too much rain
We're trapped in a world
That's troubled with pain
But as long as a man
Has the strength to dream
He can redeem his soul and fly

Deep in my heart there's a tremblin' question

Still I am sure that the answer, answer's gonna come somehow
Out there in the dark, there's a beckoning candle, yeah
And while I can think, while I can talk
While I can stand, while I can walk
While I can dream, please let my dream
Come true......right now"

 It will always speak to me... It's true for me.  Whilst I am here breathing in the air on this beautiful Earth, I shall hope for my dream of a more peaceful world.

6) Don't Speak - No Doubt

I was 15 and in my first serious relationship when this song came out.  The boyfriend and I had our shares of ups and downs, but mainly his repeated use of strong drugs I could not tolerate.  His bedroom was next door to mine and when I knew he was in there with his mates up to no good I'd turn my volume up full, point the speakers round to facing right against his bedroom wall and BLAST this song out - on repeat.  It wouldn't be long 'til he would give in to the song and open his bedroom window and knock on mine to find out the deal and for me to moan at him bout the situation.   We stayed together for 6 years in the end, as he did eventually chose me over the drugs!  I won!  We lived together for the final 4 and a half years too.  I still love this song... and the album it's on - "Tragic Kingdom" being one of my favourite albums, and the first album I ever bought that wasn't a compilation album.

7) Light My Fire - The Doors

I love The Doors.  The boyfriend I mentioned in the previous song choice got me into The Doors - pauses for laughs - and I just love The Doors!  I've also read a heck of a lot of Jim Morrison's poetry back in the day thanks to the interweb and *shudders* - dial up connection and a printer and a TON of paper.  I have many favourite Doors songs, however I just love this song, despite it being their most popular I guess.  It'd be fitting for a desert island too!  I can just imagine myself getting a wee fire going and dancing around the fire naked and singing... why not naked I say!?  It's bound to be hot on that desert island anyway - and no-one there to judge so fuck it!  I'll dance away... to this song, around the fire - naked.

8 ) I Miss You - blink-182

Yes this was the first blink song I liked, back when it was charting.  However since starting that "on the way to being" my current boyfriend 4 years ago, I got into them properly as they are his favourite band - and now mine too!  I LOVE BLINK!  "Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head..." are lyrics I just love and at the time could totally relate to.  I adore Tom DeLonge's voice... singing and speaking, however the one word I love the most of him is when he sings the word "treason" in this song... and for that reason alone, since I'd HAVE to have a blink-182* song in here - I Miss You is my choice!

* On a side note, for those of you who claim to LOVE this band and write it continuously with a capital B at the start of blink - you annoy me, as do those mega fans who say it as "blink one eight two" when every proper fan knows fine and well that it's "blink one eighty two" that it's said!  Phew... finally wrote that SOMEWHERE and it kinda feels good! ;)

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The one book I would take with me would be Twilight by Stephanie Meyer... or If I could find some sort of compendium of the Twilight saga I'd have that of course!  Those books... they're just works of art to me!  I'm just one of those girls that wants a guy to love her as intensely as Edward does Bella, so their story speaks to me.

My luxury item would have to be a laptop with internet connection - how else would I know what I could eat and how to build a shelter etc.!  I'd need it for SURVIVAL, and I'd start up a desert island blog of course... charting my progress and all that jazz! ;)  I hope you'd follow it!? ;)

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Sorry I'm not gonna tag folk individually, as it just takes me FOREVER to dig through blogs finding others who haven't done it yet... so if you've not, then crack on!  It's fun this one!  I took tons of time doing the music ones, and thoroughly enjoyed doing so!  I of course had to listen to all of the song choices I put on here too whilst writing about them...
Well if you do chose to do once of these - lemme know so I can go check it out too!
Louise xXx

The Five F's meme!

The Five F's Meme

YAY!  A meme...

I was kinda at a loss of what to do today... as I didn't sleep as long as I wanted before I start my night shifts tonight.  Tonight is night 1 of 7!  Then along came a meme... okay, today I shall blog!  

This meme is courtesy of the lovely Livi whom I met in July!  Find her blog  over here - CLICKITY CLICK!

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When did you join twitter? (You can find the exact date at
7th March 2009!  I even went out for drinks with the real life mate who introduced me to Twitter on 7th March 2010 for a laugh!!  We got a couple more of my mates out too, saying they HAD to for my "Twitterversary!".  Sadly me and this mate who introduced me to Twitter fell out a few months ago over something beyond STUPID and have not spoken since.  It's sad...

Why did you join twitter?
Well the friend of mine had his Twitter for a few months, and had been telling me it was really good and what not.  I popped over to his page, and some of the celebs pages... but I really wasn't feeling it much!!  It looked way too complicated too.  However when I found Mark Hoppus from blink-182 had a Twitter and used it a LOT (he did back in the days before the Twitter boom!), then I decided I would finally join up!
Who is/was your oldest follower? Who did you follow first? Tell me all about them.( will give you this info)

Well one of them was the mate who unfollowed me when we fell out.  I still follow them though.  I don't know the others though as the link above is telling me wrong people for sure, and I'm having problems looking back to the first followers on Twitter as it keeps going "over capacity" and my iphone app isn't letting me go back that far in my followers either!!

Do you have any celebrities following you or have you ever had a DM from a celeb?

Yeah, well the Cheggers follows me - Keith Chegwin, as well as the Big Brother couple Lisa and Mario.  Have had tweets and direct messages from all three of those.  That's about it I think for followers.

Have had tweets from Luke from Big Brother and Jason Manford the comedian.

Think that's all... I don't really tweet celebs, minor or major much.  I know there's a fair few that seem to reply to most things some of them say whenever they're online at the same time!  Nah... that's just not for me!

However I've had a couple of tweets from Jaret from Bowling for Soup - much to my boyfriends dismay (who still hasn't got a Twitter despite using it to celeb stalk folk he likes!!).  Here's some screenshots I took for proof for the boyfriend lol!

If you could follow anyone who is not on Twitter – alive or dead, real or fictional – on Twitter, who would it be?

It'd be Jim Morrison of The Doors... Imagine his Tweets!! Fucking LEGEND.

Which came first Twitter or the Blog?

 For me, it was the Twitter... I've had webpages before though!  Just never a blog.

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Okay, I'm not gonna tag folk... I find it too exhausting going through the regular blogs I read finding others who haven't done it already!  It's much easier to just do this if you wanna, and just do it!  Letting me know would be nice, so I can come read yours...

Louise xXx

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

Child Benefits - The Robin Hood Mantra

I decided to write this blog posting, because of several conversations on Facebook and Twitter yesterday and today, and a Skype conversation between Livi and myself today about it all.

I'm talking about the new plans for the Child Benefit system here in the UK.  It seems everyone has an opinion on the matter, and I am certainly no different!

Please have a look at this BBC News link if you can, and you'll see what I'm talking about (if you've been living on another universe and not heard of it!)

At the moment, here in the UK, ALL families receive £20.30 a week for the oldest child then £13.40 for all other subsequent children.  However, new plans by the Government are that from 2013 these benefits will be taken away from any family where one parent is earning about £44,000 or more a year.

This causes some issues on fairness though, as a single parent earning, for example £43,500 a year will get to keep their child benefit, whilst a double parent family with one parent earning £40,000 and the other £43,000 meaning a household income of £83,000 a year will also get to keep their child benefit.  This is despite the fact that a single parent family earning that amount wouldn't get to keep theirs!  Hardly seems a fair system!

I am actually in agreement that the plans to revolutionise the child benefit system is a great idea to save this country money it so desperately needs to.  What I do not agree with however is that it is choosing to discriminate against people depending on whether they're in a joint parenting family, or a single parenting family.

I myself am a single parent, and I don't earn anywhere near the £44,000 sort of threshold.  I am just stating that here, so that I do not get comments stating that I must get affected by the changes personally, because, going by what they are stating right now - I won't be affected.

The Government should be making this new Child Benefit system based on household income - not each parents income.  If a family is getting £83,000 in their family pot each year then they can definately afford not to receive child benefit!  Isn't that the point in what they're saying to us?  That they want a Robin Hood sort of mantra?  Take from those who can afford it.... then why are they going to give it to a household taking in £83,000 a year and not to a household taking in £44,000 - just because they've only one parent?  That is just discrimination to the core in my opinion!

If the Government were to make the system based on household income, I would be in full agreement with their decision.  I earn much less than the £44,000 cut off point, and even as a single parent family, I could live without the child benefit I receive.  Earning £44,000 a year is a lot of money!!  However, if they did change it to be on household income, I would probably agree it could be a bit higher still... this cut off point.

Of course there will be outroar - change always brings outroar, but times have changed... we need to move with the times and get this country back on track.  Changes are vital.  We must make savings and we must all realise this.  There's cuts happening all over... because we have to make them - not because the Government just want to rake in the cash.  We need the money.

I'm all for the Robin Hood Mantra... when I see any reforms that state that those earning the mega high bucks will pay more tax/lose benefits etc, then I am all for it.  These households do not need child benefits as much as other households do, and they can afford to pay more tax than others can - so they should make these sacrifices.  They'd still have their fancy houses and cars - and other familys may then be able to afford clothing for their children and hell, maybe even a rust-bucket of a car to help out in family life.  Yes, this is an extreme I'm assuming here, but you get what I'm getting at here...

There's families out there earning a LOT of money and hell, they've worked hard for it, and made sacrifies etc., and yes they're rewarded with more pay for it, however I'll go back to what I've said earlier - times have changed.  We need to move with the times!  Just because, for example, people years ago knew that putting in 80 hour weeks at work and then more at home, could mean they could climb their ladders at work and get mega bucks and live a fantastic lifestyle etc., doesn't mean we should never get to tax them more just because back then - the rewards were more!  Change happens people...

Change is happening everywhere you look.

This is just another example of change within our country.  I'm a nurse within the NHS and there's changes happening in my work too.  They're even re-jigging our shift working patterns to make it more streamlined to get the best out of the staff they have, as there's a hiring freeze... everyone is looking to save money, including the NHS of course!  There's outcry there too... a lot of "how DARE they change my shifts! I've had weekends off for 20 years...!"  However changes need to be made. There just isn't enough money coming into the NHS budget as there used to be, and they've got to look at saving money however they can.  Just because someone has not worked weekends in 20 years, doesn't mean they can't make you do weekends now.  People need to stop all this endless moaning - it won't change anything!  Do you really think if you stomp your feet enough change won't happen around you?  It seems a lot of people are in this way of thinking.  Certainly at my work, we are getting input into the new shift patterns and rotas, even getting to make some ourselves and make suggestions etc.  These moaners - they can either give their feedback and opinions to make a workable shift pattern and rota, with give and take from most involved, or just don't bother and moan instead, and then moan some more when the change does happen!

We, as a country, need to make savings!  It's not going to make everyone happy - change never does.

However, you can't take away money from those in poverty or lesser off... they need all of their smaller incomes more than those with large incomes need all of theirs.

If I was lucky enough to be in a job earning £44,000 a year, they could gladly take away my child benefit!  It'd not need it would I?  It wouldn't mean my child wouldn't get a new school uniform that year, or that he'd not have food on the table at home - but it just might to those on low incomes.  I can't see why those on high incomes can even justify moaning about giving a bit more to the country - would they rather they took it from a poor family?  Would they rather the NHS, police force, fire services etc., get their budgets slashed even more than they already have?  Would they rather the NHS was disbanded and made private sector and have to pay out money for insurance, and the poor people again suffer because they can't afford it?  I just don't understand....

Everyone needs to do their bit to turn this country around.  You may not like all the changes... but they're going to happen.  However the Government needs to make changes such as this child benefit one less discriminating - this does seem to be the main issue with the changes regarding child benefit.  I'd hope that if they made it based on household income there wouldn't be as much outcry as there is right now...

Listen to your people, new Government - if you want to remain in power.

Monday, 4 October 2010

Unusual Summer Holiday

Inspired by Josie over at Sleep is for the Weak's awesome Writing Workshop - and because I've been saying I'll blog about what I did this Summer (since it happened!); here is a blog about the unusual thing I did during this Summer 2010!

My son and I went to go visit someone I met through Twitter!  That person was the lovely Livi, who has her own blog at Livi's Little Bubble.

I'd been following Livi for quite a while on Twitter, and she following me, and we Tweeted now and then...  However as can happen on Twitter, you can end up finding someone you just tweet all the damn time, and Livi ended up becoming one of my most tweeted people for about the 6 months or so before we arranged to meet up.

We not only tweeted, but we chatted via Skype too, and via email and texts.  I'd tell her things that worried/upset me/issues I had going on in my life, and she'd tell me hers... and at one point I was texting her in the middle of the night, whilst I was on nightshift with worries about something someone had tweeted out.  That's what you call friendship I guess!  You look out for each other, and for those they care for.

I think the whole meeting up started with "it'll never happen but wow it'd be cool to meet up but we live SO far apart" sorta tweets etc... the kind of "it would be SO AWESOME to be able to meet up...." tweets.  You see, I live up in the Highlands of Scotland - hundreds of miles at least, from most bloggers (as far as I know), and Livi lives down Cheshire.  Not exactly a jumping on a bus to visit kind of possibility.

However I soon found that I had a weeks holiday off work during the school holidays, and no plans.  My boyfriend and my best friend both working rubbishy shifts for that week, and I had my 6 year old son full-time during that week with nothing to do!  I can't even remember who stated first that we should go down to Cheshire to visit Livi!  I have a memory much like Dory from Finding Nemo....

Soon the plans took forth and multiplied - thanks to Livi and her amazing organisational skills!  She sent D and I some leaflets of things that were within travelling distance to where she lived, and asked what we'd like to do.  It was also arranged that we would stay at Livi's house!  I also asked if Thomas Land (at Drayton Manor) were achievable from her house, and it turned out it was!  D's had been asking me to go there for YEARS as a Thomas-fanatic little boy.

Well in July this year D and I went down to visit Livi.  It took 3 different trains to get there, and about 8 hours, but the journey wasn't too bad!  D had his excitement of being on trains and his Nintendo DS keeping him occupied, and me - my iPhone, tweeting, facebooking and reading to keep me occupied!

When I met Livi, it struck me, like all folk I've met after getting to know them online first, how she was so much like I expected her to be - except the accent.  I'm rubbish at accents!

Whilst down visiting Livi, we went to Chester and walked around the famous walled city, and even Daniel didn't moan about the long walk and he really enjoyed it!  We also visited Chester zoo another day, which is a fantastic zoo!  We were graced with good weather too on the day we went to the zoo, so really couldn't asked for a better day for it.  Daniel loved the zoo too, especially the giraffes which are his favourite animal.

One day we spent at Alton Towers!  I went on all the Rollercoasters pretty much! Livi doesn't like them, so she was on childminding and bagminding duties, though she didn't mind!  I felt a bit bad leaving them for ages at a time - the queues were mental!  Even if you bought the express tickets you sometimes still waited up to half an hour for a ride!  Rip off really... Would've been very easy to spend two days at Alton Towers, and it would've been less rushed, but we pretty much did what we wanted to do whilst we were there.  Daniel LOVED the kiddy area, and also HEX.  Livi went on this with us too... we were unsure what kinda ride it was, and it certainly wasn't what we expected!   Whilst we were in the queue - we thought it would have been some time of haunted house!  It wasn't Livi's cup of tea.... lol, but Daniel LOVED it.  I wasn't all that fussed with it, and found it a bit on the tame side for me *winks* - sorry Livi hehe!!

Another day we went to Drayton Manor - for Thomas Land.  For Daniel this was "his day" and let him take the charge in what he wanted to do... and he loved every SECOND of it.  I'd thoroughly recommend Thomas Land to any Thomas obsessed child!  He was in AWE!  Though I'd have loved to taken him last year I guess, as he clicked that some things weren't "real" and I had to ask him to be quiet, as he was saying things out loud in front of the younger children lol!  It was amazing to be able to take him to Thomas Land... I've got the most amazing video, with cracking facial expressions of him on the Rosie train (real train ride).... totally in his element!

The funniest thing about Thomas Land though, was the Troublesome Trucks rollercoaster... Livi agreed to come on it - it was a kiddy one after all!  However, I was sitting there expecting it to be a breeze after the big 'coasters at Alton Towers and was NOT expecting it to be a bit twisty and thrill ride!  The on-ride camera photo was so hillarious I just HAD to buy a copy for us and for Livi... I look PETRIFIED whilst my son and Livi look thrilled!

After Thomas Land, we went out to Drayton Manor and went on yet  more rides that D was able to go on, including the river rapids with Livi.  It was a cracking day full of smiles by all.  It was even more special, as in the past month my son has gotten over his Thomas stage... even letting me pack  up all his trains and track.  I'm so grateful to Livi for assisting me with giving D something that he's dreamed of all his life pretty much, before it was too late.

On our last day we went for a walk around Livi's small town in all it's prettiness!  I really did fall in love with red bricked houses/buildings more than I already was whilst down England - and Tudor buildings! SO gorgeous!  We also stopped off by the charity shop Hope House, that Livi volunteers at!

At night times, Livi and I would drink some wine... tweet... watch Big Brother... wish John James and Josie to  GET IT ON in Big Brother... talk... Facebook... share photos... edit pics... and she introduced me to Sex and the City!  Oh yes... I was a Sex and the City virgin til my trip down to Livi's!

It was a truly awesome break away!  Livi was amazing with D too - a true natural!

Before I went on the trip, when telling some folk at work about it I got a lot of criticism.  One student nurse even raised her voice and told me I was a bad Mother and Livi could be a paedophile!  However, it's not my first time I've met folk from online... or stayed in their houses.  It didn't really bother me, this criticism or talking behind my back that I'm sure would've went on - if it did I'd have kept my mouth shut, or pretended that I already knew Livi "in person".  Folk who don't blog/tweet/IM or whatever... they just will never get it.  My mother never did either, though she didn't mind me doing it, and even went on webcam with me once years ago (about 11 years ago when I still lived at home) with a gal I chat to in Amsterdam!  However since my Mum re-married a guy who speaks to folk on the Playstation 3 gaming malarky, she and him went on a meet up to go and stay in folk he played games with online - in their house!!  You just gotta be doing it to understand... and I perfectly understand that.

So meeting Livi wasn't the first time I've met someone from online, but it was the first time I took my wee boy along, and it was the first time it was an actual holiday - doing holiday type things together!  It won't be the last time I meet up with people online either... it's a great way to meet new people, especially those who have problems meeting folk "in real life" for whatever reason.

So I guess I really did have quite an unusual Summer holiday!  Hopefully next year Livi will have her quite unusual Summer holiday up here in Inverness, in the Scottish Highlands - with D and I!  We'd be glad to have her up here anytime.  Friend for life.  Love you Livi.

Here's just a FEW pics of our time down there...


Here's to next year!

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Food Glorious Fooooood - Dad's Birthday

Yes, that was a The Gallery prompt... well it was - Food.  

The Gallery is a bloggers photograph workshop... find it here - CLICK!

Well this picture was taken on September 25th, as it was my Dad's birthday on the 26th but was working. So my sister-in-law cooked us all a FABULOUS three course home cooked from scratch meal!

Was great spending time with my Dad, brother, sister-in-law, my two baby neices and my wee boy all together. The dinner was DELICIOUS!

The trifle was HUUUUUUGE as you can see here, my Dad about to tuck into it!

Here's more food my sister-in-law made...!

There were two giant pies!  One was steak pie, and the other chicken pie!  DELICIOUS!  Loved how she made Happy Birthday on the top of each with extra pastry!

Golfing cake!

The bottom one here, is my wee boy tucking in to the birthday cake for his Ganga!  He couldn't say Grandad as a little baby and called him Ganga, and it's stuck!  Now his two baby neices will call my Dad Ganga aswell! =)

Food, glorious food!

* Louise *

Friday, 13 August 2010

DANGER! Do not give me hormones!

Hallo, my name is Louise, and I'm intolerant to hormones.  Yes, I'm weird, but I've long since accepted it lol.

When I was about 16/17 I went on the contraceptive injection Depo-Provera.  My GP persuaded me not to have it when I wanted it, but to wait a month as I'd be going on holiday just afterwards and that way my periods would stop and be better able to enjoy the holiday!  What an error...  The doctor never explained to me, that when you first go on the injection you can get mood swings - and boy did I have those...  I actually was wondering what on earth was wrong with me.  It was like I had a split personality and was stuck within my own head screaming at myself to let "the real me" out!

When on holiday, I remember my brother and my boyfriend asking me if I wanted to go to the hotel pool.  Inside my head I was thinking "yeah, sounds good..." but what came out of me was a tirade of anger and obscenities along the lines of "WHAT!? Why the F would I wanna go to the F-ing POOL!? For F sake!  Don't be so F-ing stupid, F-ing a-holes!!".  Inside me I was wondering "What was that all about!? Why!? I WANT to go to the pool!", and of course, they went off to the pool and I stayed in the hotel room majorly upset, crying and wondering what on Earth had just occurred.  My parents, brother and boyfriend got a complete bitch of a Louise for that holiday.  I was nasty and bitchy and for no damned reason!  It was like I was fighting with myself to stop the bitch from exploding and letting the real me come back...

It got a bit better with time... but throughout the time I was on the injection I went through very bad mood swings.  The slightest thing could make me fly off the handle and see red, whilst the inside of me looked on in horror.

One of the most notable visable things was the weight gain.  I went from a big size 8/small size 10 to busting out of size 14 clothing in about a year.  The most rapid weight gain was at the start, then gradually kept piling on and on.  It was that fast I've got really bad stretch marks on my legs, outside and in and one biggish one on my left arm.  It wasn't my pregnancy that caused them - it was the injection.  Time and time again the GP told me "it's not the injection causing this weight gain... it's your diet".  Yeah my diet was poor, but I'd always been able to eat what I wanted and not put on weight - my mother was the same.  I didn't want to get pregnant so I persevered, and even started thinking maybe the doc was right - it was just my diet catching up with me.

Condoms hadn't been working for my boyfriend at the time and I, and those who know me, know my memory is appauling, so therefore I'd never tried taking the oral contraceptive pill - I'd be pregnant in no time!

Things changed one day when I flew off the handle on one of my uncontrollable anger moments and threw a big sharp knife at my boyfriends face.

Luckilly I missed - but only cause he ducked out of my way.  By this point I must've been on the injection for about two years by then.

I'd been drying dishes and putting them away and he'd left the knife in the rack, pointy side up, and I'd asked him a few times not to do it.  I just seen red, picked up the knife, screamed abuse at him for his error and THREW it as hard as I could at him whilst screaming a "aaaaaaaaaaarggggggh!!!" noise.  We were living in a bedsit so he wasn't all that far away, and was lying in bed propped up in a sitting position.  The knife hit the wall where his head was.

That was our reality check.  This wasn't normal behaviour.  Something was wrong.  I could have killed him!  I dread to think what would have happened if he'd not got out the way... would I be in jail now?  Would my intolerance been found out/believed and I be let off? I'll never know - and am thankful for that too!

So back to the doctors I plodded, this time with my knife "story" to tell.  I told it and said "it's definately the injection, I REALLY want to come off it!".  The doc suggested I go to the GUM (genitourinary medicine) clinic at my hospital, since I'd tried and failed with condoms and was refusing to switch to the pill - no way that'd work for a Dory brained person such as I!

During my appointment, they LISTENED to me... they believed me about the rapid weight gain, and too about the holiday from hell, my inner me being trapped inside my body whilst this almighty bitch from hell exploded out of me, going against what I was actually thinking... they listened and believed.  In the end I had two docs in there with me listening to my experience.

They asked me about when I begun menstruation, what was that like?  Straight away I gasped.  It was like I am now.  Flying off the handle... my inner me trapped inside.  I'd long pushed that time to the back of my head.  But then, there in the office, I remembered the time I flew off like that and booted my Mother in the arm with platform boots on and making her cry in pain... my dad ripping my boots off and throwing them out the window and into our vastly overgrown jungle garden.  I remembered screaming whilst punching my brother in the kitchen whilst he was cowering in the corner...

"You're extremely intolerant to hormonal changes" they said.  It wasn't common, but not unheard of either.  Oh the relief...!  They stuck a "warning" type sticker on the front of my notes, stating I'm not allowed hormonal treatments as they make me violent and make me have vicious mood swings.

So I came off the injection, and went back on condoms.  The docs said my only other choices were the rhythm method, withdrawl or abstinence.  So I chose the not so reliable condom route again - thinking for all the times they ripped etc, they still had to be more reliable than rhythm or withdrawl, and I wasn't gonna be abstinent - I was only about 19!  They said I couldn't really try the copper coil as I'd not been pregnant before, and with still being so young too, my womb wouldn't be big enough for it to fit in.

About a year or so later, by then my then boyfriend and I had split, my weight had plummeted back to normal without changing my diet (SEE GP, it WAS the damn injection!!), and I had a new boyfriend and condoms kept splitting - again, and I became pregnant.

Unfortunately I miscarried the baby less than two months into the pregnancy, however because I'd then actually been pregnant, the GP agreed to try the coil in me - and failed as I found it far too painful.  I was meant to be returning to him in a month - actually during my next period (it's easier then) for him to try again.  

When I next went to the GP, about a month later - I got the same man.  He said to me on entering the room "right, trying again are we!" walking to the cupboard to get the coil... and I said "No - I'm pregnant".  This pregnancy was my lil man Daniel!  Of course, the doc asked how I felt about it, considering I was planning the contraceptive coil put in me, but I was happy as was D's Dad.

During my pregnancy I got ante-natal depression, then post-natal depression... I had many of the "risk factors" - tons of them actually, so those coupled with my intolerance to hormonal changes... I should have really expected to get them, but I didn't at all, and it was a shock when I did.

After D was born I got the copper coil - which has no hormones in it, and I've been "normal" as I can be since!  I just get very emotional/ratty etc during my period, due to my hormonal issues, I can't control myself very well, though it's nowhere NEAR as bad as when I was on the injection, I'm much more under control of that side of me now.

I can also genuinely say to my current boyfriend during "those" times of the month, that although I can be really be unreasonable/emotional/picky etc; hey - I have a medically diagnosed excuse condition! ;)

Hormones no longer control my life - I control THEM.  Self-control -  I now have it.

I'd be really interested to hear of anyone else who is intolerant to hormones or has had similar experiences - it's good to share! =)

Louise xXx

PS. Tried making this as short as I could... could've been a lot longer, believe me!